Having a loving relationship is life's greatest joy, and ending one brings about one of life's biggest sorrows. Ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do. On the contrary, with your partner's feelings at stake, it is one of the hardest things to do.
It is often as difficult on the person who is ending the relationship as it is on their partner. You have been intimate with this person for months or even years, and can't bear to cause him or her any pain. You might feel guilty for causing the breakup. You may have sleepless nights thinking things over and over, afraid that you will regret your decision. Ending a relationship becomes a challenge to you, and you spend all of your time thinking of ways to do it without causing your partner too much pain. You want and need to find a way to cut the ties as gracefully as possible.
First and foremost, if you are about to end a relationship, you must do it in person. It is always better to talk it over in person, and explain your reasons fully. In doing so, you show sincerity, integrity and respect. You will know your partner's reaction immediately, and will be able to achieve closure more quickly.
It takes courage and thought to end a relationship personally. Choosing the right words will allow your partner to understand your reasoning, and accept your decision. Meeting your partner face-to-face is infinitely better than saying things on the phone, by email, or even through a letter. As difficult as it may be, this needs to be done in person, where both of you have eye contact, and can see each other's reactions.
Before you break the bad news, give your partner a warning sign. By saying something like "we need to talk", you're alerting your partner that you are serious, and preparing him or her for a possible breakup. You will soften the blow of the revelation, and prepare your partner to better accept the bad news. However, once you drop the initial hint, be sure that you talk to your partner sooner than later. The waiting time can be uncomfortable and cause your partner more pain.
When you have ended the relationship you must stand strong, stick to your decision and be sure that your partner has the clear message. If he or she won't accept your decision right away, give your partner time to take it in, but don't offer false hopes of getting back together. Say your words sincerely, maintain an eye contact and leave no room for doubt. When your partner argues or becomes emotional, you will feel guilty but you must not back down. As cruel as you might feel, this is the best way to minimize the pain that your partner will feel.
One of the most difficult events that you will ever face is ending a relationship. However, if you know exactly what to say and how to deliver the message, you can create less pain for your partner, and less guilt for yourself. |
